It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
