i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Terrible idea I love it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
