Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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