Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
