The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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