I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
