sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
