Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she looked like the before picture.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
