He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
