Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's like heaven, but drunker
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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