Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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