Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
