Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
