Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
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