so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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