She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
