so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
