No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
