Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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