____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
