grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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