I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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