Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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