how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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