i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
