We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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