I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
