To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
