her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
