That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
