Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
