dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
