I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
as a side note pls kill me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
