So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
