I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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