drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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