Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
