the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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