"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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