Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
