I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
