Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
