Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
