4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
