Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
