4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
