I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
