you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
