mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
