Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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