so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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