I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Found the puke drawer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
