yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
