Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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