he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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