her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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