K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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