I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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